The other day I was out with some dear friends for tacos and gin rummy. It was a beautiful warm evening in winter (yes, gratitudes were shared for that), but as lovers of music, in particular the genres connected to 80s and 90s alternative, we were saddened by the music being played on the patio. It was hard to latch on to anything that we liked and we kept mentioning how awful some of the tracks were. We jokingly said as much to one of the waiters who shared our woes and told us that they’d try to change the station but weren’t too hopeful they’d be able to triumph over a difficult coworker who had been controlling the tunes for the last 3 months. A few minutes later, to our delight, some more favorable tunes began to play, including “True Faith” by New Order. I was unusually excited to hear it, despite having heard it a thousand times before.

Music transcends verbal communication and has the power to evoke emotions, convey meaning, and create a shared experience. It is likely one of the earliest forms of non-verbal communication, connecting us through rhythm, melody, and harmony. I had never really paused to think about the actual meaning of “True Faith” and I didn’t pause that night either.

A few days after the innocence of tacos, cards, and post-punk music, an issue popped up in my life that had me in my feelings and questioning my faith that everything would be okay. I was in an old, familiar place of gripping in my mind and unsettledness in my body. Using the tool of mindfulness, I noticed that a part of me was engaging in worst-case-scenario thinking and another part of me was being a bit cynical and negative regarding the issue I was dealing with. Implementing parts work (Jung, Schwartz, etc.), I was able to acknowledge these parts and have deep compassion for why they had me thinking a certain way. This allowed me to stay present and a bit more objective.

Many of us suffer from bouts of doubt, fear, and doom––those thoughts that keep us up at night, the scenarios we run through our heads, and the sensations in the body that signal that we are not at ease. Why does this happen? There are probably several ways to address this question, but one answer can be found in the past.

In our formative years, the foundation of trust gets built through the attachment to our caregivers. Infants rely on consistent care, comfort, and responsiveness to feel secure, and this shapes our perception of the world and lays the groundwork for future relationships. When caregivers provide a reliable source of comfort and meet the child’s emotional needs, a secure attachment develops, fostering a sense of trust that influences one’s ability to trust and be trusted in various interpersonal connections throughout life.

If there was inconsistent care, lack of responsiveness, and a failure to meet emotional needs during childhood, the result is insecure attachment, whereby one’s worldview is marked by mistrust. With this, one might have the tendency towards being a little more worried, a little more fearful, and a little less at ease. Or at times a lot. Faith that all is well can go out the window and doom sets in. This is where I found myself, no doubt. What do we do when we feel like something isn’t right and don’t know if it will be? There are probably several ways to address this question, too.

My burst of insecure thinking had me firmly rooted with one foot in the past and one foot in the here and now. If I had stayed more glued to my thinking, it could’ve been really uncomfortable. Instead, I stayed with myself and calmed down. I practiced mindful breathing. Every time I was able to catch a fearful or distressing thought, I told myself to breathe in abundance and exhale any fear. When the thoughts returned, I did my best to catch them and breathe in abundance and exhale any fear. This self-soothing practice reset my nervous system each time I had a thought and eventually, the thoughts lost their weight and dissipated. These are skills I had to learn (and teach now). My blueprint had the etchings of mistrust.

Some of us find ways to soothe ourselves that veer into compulsivity, or addiction. We can develop addictions to substances, gambling, shopping, gaming, work, sex and love, perfection, pornography, food, and even…thinking. Many of us are plagued with addictive thinking. Like I mentioned, if I had been more glued to my thoughts, it could have really spun me out.

Addiction is often a complex interplay between genetic and environmental influences. Genetic predisposition can contribute to an individual’s vulnerability to addiction, while environmental factors, including attachment patterns and upbringing, also play a significant role.

Gabor Maté, a renowned physician and addiction expert, emphasizes the connection between attachment and the development of addiction. He suggests that a lack of love and emotional connection in childhood can lead individuals to seek solace in substances. Maté believes in the healing power of love to address addiction and that developing compassionate and supportive connections, both with oneself and others, can act as a crucial antidote to the underlying emotional pain that often contributes to addictive behaviors.

While artists often leave room for multiple interpretations, common analyses by music critics and fans interpret “True Faith” by New Order as addressing the theme of addiction and the struggles that come with it. The lyrics suggest a desire for change and the difficulties in breaking free from destructive patterns. Yes, I finally paused and did a little research.

When we don’t get the blueprint of secure attachment, we are often called to make it a life practice to build that blueprint of safety within and with others with whom we build trust. Terry Real––author, therapist and sage–speaks about this in terms of recovery from love addiction. In this informative clip, he also shares the mindful breathing sentiment I mentioned above.

The opposite of fear is often considered to be courage or confidence. Confidence is built in daily practice as we build safety within. We let go of fear and learn to trust. We begin to open our hearts and tolerate all the ups and downs. We let love in and we let it rule.

Music can serve as a powerful catalyst for exploring and expressing feelings. Many songs become anthems for moments of connection and shared experiences, creating a deep and lasting connection between music and these fundamental aspects of human relationships. They can also remind us of our struggles and inspire us to move through them. “True Faith” is just one of likely tens of thousands of songs that features addiction. It is likely that just as many address love. Perhaps the numbers would shift if we lived in a world where attachment theory was a household term, fostering a collective awareness that empowers people to raise children grounded in emotional security who have the ability to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and with faith in abundance.